I’ am not much of a bloggie. But I would like to pen down a few things. Before you call me a PATHETIC loser accountant. Let me.
Being brought up in a somewhat an orthodox Indian family, filled with drama mamas every week, I have my mother, on one hand, a classic from Tanjore and on the other hand, my father who is away half the time.
My point is, if you came from this sort of background, and you have just hit 25 and you happen to be a female and still single, you are bloody screwed. At least around here, that’s how it feels. Screwed in the sense, you are forced to go on dates with people (proper losers), your mum sets you up with. Yes I know, pretty lame in this day and age, but as depressing as it sounds, it’s happening all right.
Me being me, rebelliously didn’t want to go to these things. I mean, are you crazy? I frankly do not have the time and patience for this. Mother and the other 50 thousand aunties obviously do not agree. Your expiry date is coming up child..blah blah blah…if you don’t do something, you might end up being a wrinkled up prune child..blah…why are you so stubborn child..blah blah…etc
Marriage? That’s a heavy word to me. Given my stats with regards to men, I’ll deal with all of it in my own time. I basically didn’t want to hear this wrath every freaking day of my life. So I figured, why don’t i just go for some free wine and get it over and done with, just to shut them up. Only once and they’ll leave me alone.Forever.They agreed (Well, they lied).
You know what is even sadder?..These retards they set me up with!.I only went on one so far and iam planning to keep it that way, even if I have to be at war with 50 old aunties.
Let me tell you about the 1st date
He calls me up.
Date: Hello, yis this Nalina? ( in a nauseating Indian slang )
Me: Yes. It is. (already irritated)
Date: So, when can we meet?
Me: Not this week.Maybe next
Date: Ok. Where?
Me: Up to you (Secretly thinking of killing him at the Mandarin Oriental)
Date: (He actually said this)..iam in shah alam, you in damansara, why don’t we meet in the middle?
Me: (This made my hair stand, and trying hard to not cry) Ok sure. Call me.
I was thinking, holy mother of god, how on earth am I going to survive this date. This dude is not capable of a decent conversation, he better be hot at least to compensate. Women generally are pre-programmed to want to have everything perfect.
On that day
I walked in to the restaurant, aloofly scanning the whole place for any baboon like creatures eagerly waiting. A bitchy thought yes! Iam no Pond’s Femina Miss India contestant, but I shudder to think of having lunch with a baboon who can’t speak English. There was no Baboon, but there was someone that resembled a giraffe in clothes. Moments like this, you REALLY believe in god and start to pray. Please not that one, please not that one…to my horror…IT was the giraffe…he was an absolute fashion disaster ( I believe clothing is an extension of your personality)..he just didn’t have it,his hairstyle was tragic( center parted together with a whole tub of brylcream)…nerve-tingling ( in a bad way)…he didn’t know what to order at all, so I did all the ordering .and..i did all the talking, I gave him one chance to speak and he spoke of his job so proudly, I told him about my wonderful job, where I vouch receipts, work 9 to 9 the next day, pondering over how to bullshit my managers…i also told him I want to marry a rockstar…i didn’t feel like impressing this person, so I kind of lost my ‘feminine vulnerability’ and ate like a man right through the entire time.
Apparently the stud muffin thought I was greedy, loud,etc…and didn’t want to see me again.This rocked my mum’s world. It’s like I ruined her life or something.
Without wasting any time, she planned for a 2nd one. Which iam trying very hard to avoid. I mean, on a serious note, can you blame me?
Note: Since my only Bro DhanaRaj is still single and swinging….pressure is off me for now :) Pending, the 210 squad‘s (headed by Tata C)/Subang crew’s (headed by my Amachi) futile attempts to get us hitched.
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